Headteacher Six weeks 'r' and 'r' isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's back to school with a heavy heart.

Teachers As disorganised a bunch as any you are likely to meet. Their intentions are honourable, even if their actions aren't. Actually, their intentions aren't honourable.

Harvest kids Since when have caviar and truffles been traditional harvest donations?

Mother Since she didn't want to be shown up!

Infant nativity angels Narrators who are just about able to get their young tongues around 'Befflyham' and 'framklimstent.'

Gabriel One would expect the holder of the top job in the heavenly host to carry a little bit more clout.

Mary and Joseph Their parenting skills leave much to be desired.

Donkey The term beast of burden has never been so aptly applied.

Innkeeper Fully-booked? Guests have obviously not been put off by his constant scratching.

Shepherds Tea-towels and tunics - a classic combination for the festive season.

Wise men How will the majestic bickering trio cope with the fact they seem to be one present short?

Professor Our esteemed guide through the minefield of understanding children's bizarre behavioural patterns.

Reception boy and girl Aaahhhh. Or should that be Eurrrrgh?

Year 2 boys Macho men in the making.

Year 2 girls Their mission - to stick to their teacher come what may

Infant teacher Her mission - to escape.

Year 4 boys Girl is a four letter word.

Year 4 girls Armed with skipping ropes and vicious put-downs.

Year 6 boy and girl Hopelessly devoted, up to the point where they have to actually spend time together.

Mums and Dads Children's football isn't about life and death - it's more important than that.